Many articles in the wild are always focused on the act of cheating, signs of it and what happens after that. Today, we will be discussing on how to prevent your spouse from straying, and other small tips that you can follow to make your marriage a happy one.
First of all, before we get down to the actual article, we would like to state that you are in no way responsible for your spouse's decision to have an intimate relationship with another. Of course, your actions and behaviour might influence him to do so but the final choice of your spouse going over the line rests on himself/herself.
We believe that by concentrating on strengthening the relationship that you have will largely deter your other half from going down the wrong path, thus the 'preventive' measure in the article title. Perhaps it should be changed to 'How
to Love a Person' instead to be more applicable to the general public.
In this article, we will be looking at three aspects that we deem important in engaging or re-engaging intimacy to form stronger bonds with your spouse. They are: Focus, Communication and Understanding.
Make sure that your spouse is never at the bottom in terms of priorities. Make him/her the topmost priority at least once a week if possible and that also means making time for each other. Do not put off anniversaries or birthday dates for work that is not urgent. Give some attention and love to your spouse instead.
Go out and be as best friends like when you were dating. Catch a weekend movie, utter sweet nothings in each other's ears, bring your partner to restaurants where you used to date at and rekindle the good times. Treat such days like a Valentine's.
Of course, one might think twice whenever you bring the kids into the picture. But you know, love requires some effort in time-making; you can always drop them off at your gramp's place for the night while you take a little rendezvous around
"True love requires action. We can speak of love all day
long, we can write notes or poems that proclaim it, sing songs that praise it,
and preach sermons that encourage it but until we manifest that love in action,
our words are nothing but sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal."
- Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Communication is the exchange of information through verbal or non-verbal behaviour or in written form. For this exchange to happen, you need at least 1 listener/reader and 1 sender. As the saying goes, it takes two hands to clap or two to Tango.
Everyone needs to learn how to communicate better by listening effectively with proper attention or be open and forthcoming when demanding.
In case you've never heard that listening is a skill which not everyone has, http://www.rogerdarlington.me.uk/Listening.html
describes ways on how to be a good listener. There, you've started listening already.
The other aspect of effective communication is to be honest and outright in speaking or putting forth your point. However, note that I am not asking you to repeat your point over and over until your spouse obeys you, but rather to convey the root notion of the thoughts embedded in your mind.
If needed, iron out problems with an all-out intense quarrel with your spouse, which is contrary to what our society usually teaches. In this way, people say what they really mean inside instead of bottling it all up; worries are heard, problems are solved. Together.
The purpose of open communication is to understand or be understood.
Humans, sadly, do not have the gift of mind-reading. How then do we understand one another? ANSWER: Because open honest communication is merely the exchange of information, we need empathy for comprehension as well. We need to put ourselves in others' shoes.
Try to imagine what it would be like to be your spouse for a day. Traditionally, being your wife requires doing household chores like the laundry, sweeping and mopping floors, cooking for the family, all the while taking care of the children if any. Or by being your husband and working long hours on end, preparing for meetings, giving presentations, rushing projects, doing menial or labour-intensive tasks, while the fear of job security and family responsibilities rests on his shoulders. In the modern world where husbands and wives work alike, it shouldn't be that hard. Of course, it includes putting yourself in his/her difficult situation and imagining that it happened to you instead. By doing so, perhaps we can learn to appreciate our spouse much more.
With that said, never ever belittle or put each other down. And never take your spouse for granted as well.
"One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself."
- Golden Rule / The Ethic of Reciprocity
People tend to make unrealistic expectations of their life partners. They are not superhuman and will never be strong all the time. They can't juggle work, kids and chores all at once. And they will not be so robotic as to not demand their needs to be fulfilled. They are humans just like you and me, so treat them like one too.
Giving your spouse freedom might sound ironic or contradictory to popular notions but it may actually help your spouse to appreciate you more with the trust that you have placed on him/her. Respect and trust is the underlying concept behind this. It also helps that one does not snoop on the other constantly as this signifies that you do not trust your spouse. The keyword here is "constantly". It might just be a self-fulfilling prophecy waiting to happen.
Another paradoxical philosophy is to not compromise but settle on a 3rd viewpoint whenever possible. A compromise means giving in to each other halfway but yet agreeing (halfheartedly, if ever). A 3rd viewpoint indicates both parties fully in favor to another solution or workaround to settle the disagreement, or simply agreeing to disagree. Try this in the next argument if you can.
If you ever find this article useful, you could always ask your spouse to read it or share it around (... or maybe not since it would be awkward to share a Private Investigator website). But nevertheless, we at DP Quest would ultimately wish that this advice would help tremendously in keeping your marriage lively and healthy.
If by any slim chance that your encompassing love plus our advice does not get through to your spouse's heart, we recommend that you read this article on whether your relationship is over.
Lastly, we encourage you to write in to firstname.lastname@example.org to share your experiences and views on the things, big or little, that you do to keep the sparks flying even after marriage. We will share and post it on our website to help other couples who are in need. Anonymity will be preserved.